So I once again spent my Friday night doing absolutely nothing. My social life has really suffered since I've been home... as in, I really don't have one. I wonder what the difference is, why things are so different in a place supremely familiar to me as opposed to how they were in a strange new land, it may be called. My thoughts tonight are taking me in the direction of memory lane unfortunately. Recently, I went through tons and tons of old photographs, cherishing some, crying at others, recalling old memories, and deleting yet more photographs. "Life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault."
Slowly but surely, those people that are truly important in my life are beginning to emerge. I am realizing who is there for me through every little thing, who is just there for my support, who was there to take only the good from me, and who was never really there for me at all. A friend of mine recently vented how frustrating it is to not be able to see a person's true colors the moment you meet them. While I think I have a pretty good idea of this life lesson, I still agree somewhat. I mean, how much anger and embarrassment could we save ourselves if we could truly judge a book by its cover? How much pain and heartbreak could be avoided if we could see how our relationships with our peers will end up as soon as we first meet them? But then again, if all this was possible and true, what would be the point in living? What purpose would there be in walking this earth if we never were able to experience the great joy of finding a best friend or the extreme bliss of finding love. I am not saying that once we find the love of our life or our best friend that, from that point on, things are just great. No. I am saying, that without anger and embarrassment and pain and heartbreak and all other negative and uncomfortable feelings, we would never experience the good.
As wise and as knowledgeable as I am (*wink wink*) I am still struggling with this. I mean, I would like for life to be a breeze but then I know better. This applies to those people in my life - I may desperately want someone to be there but it's unhealthy for them to stay at my side. I may believe that someone is a person they are not and, when finding this out, blame myself for such stupidity. I may look back at some well given advice and regret not taking it when I had the chance. If you look at the glass as half empty, and just see the bad side of things, and dwell on the pain and heartache and depression and anger and everything else, then you will never see what great things you are learning in your life. "Old enough to know better, too young to care," is the philosophy that dominates this subject in my life, and I'm working on embracing the older part of it.
"I've made mistakes in my life. I've let people take advantage of me and I've accepted way less than I deserve. But I've learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I'll know better next time and I won't settle for anything less than I deserve." I deserve people in my life that will respect me and treat me with such. I deserve people in my life that are willing to give as much as they take. I deserve people in my life that genuinely care about me, and my happiness. I deserve people in my life that are willing to fight for me and stand by my side when things get rough. I deserve people in my life that will deal in honesty and love me for who I am.
So thank you to those people out there. Thank you to the people who have been there since the beginning and thank you to the people who are most recent to meet me. Thank you to the people who have provided me with some of the best memories, be they in my life anymore or not. Thank you to the people who see through my masks and stay by my side faithfully. Thank you to the people who raise my spirits and lift me out of my moods. Thank you is all I can say because, nothing else can honestly be put into words.
Slowly but surely, those people that are truly important in my life are beginning to emerge. I am realizing who is there for me through every little thing, who is just there for my support, who was there to take only the good from me, and who was never really there for me at all. A friend of mine recently vented how frustrating it is to not be able to see a person's true colors the moment you meet them. While I think I have a pretty good idea of this life lesson, I still agree somewhat. I mean, how much anger and embarrassment could we save ourselves if we could truly judge a book by its cover? How much pain and heartbreak could be avoided if we could see how our relationships with our peers will end up as soon as we first meet them? But then again, if all this was possible and true, what would be the point in living? What purpose would there be in walking this earth if we never were able to experience the great joy of finding a best friend or the extreme bliss of finding love. I am not saying that once we find the love of our life or our best friend that, from that point on, things are just great. No. I am saying, that without anger and embarrassment and pain and heartbreak and all other negative and uncomfortable feelings, we would never experience the good.
As wise and as knowledgeable as I am (*wink wink*) I am still struggling with this. I mean, I would like for life to be a breeze but then I know better. This applies to those people in my life - I may desperately want someone to be there but it's unhealthy for them to stay at my side. I may believe that someone is a person they are not and, when finding this out, blame myself for such stupidity. I may look back at some well given advice and regret not taking it when I had the chance. If you look at the glass as half empty, and just see the bad side of things, and dwell on the pain and heartache and depression and anger and everything else, then you will never see what great things you are learning in your life. "Old enough to know better, too young to care," is the philosophy that dominates this subject in my life, and I'm working on embracing the older part of it.
"I've made mistakes in my life. I've let people take advantage of me and I've accepted way less than I deserve. But I've learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I'll know better next time and I won't settle for anything less than I deserve." I deserve people in my life that will respect me and treat me with such. I deserve people in my life that are willing to give as much as they take. I deserve people in my life that genuinely care about me, and my happiness. I deserve people in my life that are willing to fight for me and stand by my side when things get rough. I deserve people in my life that will deal in honesty and love me for who I am.
So thank you to those people out there. Thank you to the people who have been there since the beginning and thank you to the people who are most recent to meet me. Thank you to the people who have provided me with some of the best memories, be they in my life anymore or not. Thank you to the people who see through my masks and stay by my side faithfully. Thank you to the people who raise my spirits and lift me out of my moods. Thank you is all I can say because, nothing else can honestly be put into words.
