Why can't I notice the red flags? Oh yeah, because I'm an idiot.

Am I uptight? I don't believe I am. Am I a goody-goody? On occasion, but that's not a bad thing. Am I oblivious? YES. Am I gullible? YES. These are not good traits to have so why in the world would I admit something like that? Because it is due to these traits I messed up.

Friends are wonderful to have, are they not? They are always there for you, they can make you smile, and you make memories together. Well my favorite part about friends is when they totally screw up and it's even better if it's bad for me in the end. I mean, come on, who doesn't like to be lied to?? Now that's just crazy...

I got together with a friend the other night who I was very excited to see. We hung out with two of his friends. I had a blast, don't get me wrong, but a girl with three guys is apparently a topic of discussion in my town. And just when we get bored, there is nothing to do at midnight. The decision is made to head back to one of their houses and we'll just kick it. At the time I did not realize this was the first red flag I should have noticed. But no I just go along with it. We get there and decide we're gonna watch a movie... in this guy's room. Red flag number two. Did I notice? Of course not. Then the guys decide to drink some tea... an herb tea. Yeah, not herbal like silly little me thought. "Hey Alec, want some?" Red flag number three shot right up. "Sure." And goes unnoticed. The stuff tasted like crap so I quit after a bit. Here is where we come to the end of the night and I get home and blah, blah, blah.

So what's the point of the story? The stuff I drank was not something I should have, having comparable effects to alcohol. I can no longer claim that I have never consumed something 'bad'. Even worse, this friend had the nerve to get mad at ME when I decided to confront him about it.

Thankfully nothing happened and I learned a valuable lesson. Unfortunately, I still have not learned to realize the dangerous situations around me until I have already been through them. What happens the day I don't realize fast enough? But having the goal of being more observant and gaining a better store of common sense are quite abstract. How do I even begin to accomplish such a task? Well I do like a challenge and I've presented myself with a lovely one.

Smiling

I am happy, I think. And overall life is good. It's times like these that make me grateful for learning to push through all the negatives until something good comes along. Patience is not a virtue that I normally indulge in. However, slowly but surely I am learning the benefits of pausing to consider a better outcome. As little sense as all this is making, it all can be summed up in a few words:
I feel good!

It's not that I'm not a people person. It's more that I'm not a stupid people person.

As a preface, I have always had a problem with stupidity. Now don't misunderstand, stupidity for me is an extreme lack of common sense and I am probably one of the more stupid people in this world. Unfortunately it is one of the traits I see in others that just sets me off. More maddening is watching friends screw up and doing nothing. Everyone has free agency and can therefore choose their own path in life. This also means that I cannot stop anyone from making stupid decisions. But after watching these friends slip and fall, I, in my own form of stupidity, stick around to provide comfort and help pick up the pieces. Very seldom in life do I leave a friend to fed for themselves. This only happens when a friend no longer holds the title of one.

Currently, I am having a hard time... how should I say it? Letting go? Someone once very close to me has rightfully earned a place among the top three stupidest people I know. Normally I would have expelled this person from my life a long time ago. So why not weed out such a hindrance? Well it's this stupid and irrational thing called love. I love all of my friends, but to what degree varies. And this idiot of a friend is, still, very dear to me. A quote I once heard illustrates my point nicely: "I didn't fall in love; the loser tripped me." As many times as I have been discarded, ignored, hurt, and snubbed, I can't bring myself to let go. He has had no problem letting go of our friendship, which makes it hurt even more. Where does stupidity come into play? Well the biggest and worst decision my friend has made is a recent occurrence. My 'friend' has decided to get married. I won't go into detail but would like to stress the point that I am not jealous - I do not want to be the one getting married to this guy, but I do not like his fiancee (gag!) and I feel they are not meant to be together and this decision will make him unhappy. So why, after everything I've been put through by this friend, do I care about his happiness??

Now we have arrived at my problem - whose stupidity bothers me most? His or mine?

Stupid

Goodness gracious! When will I learn how to handle awkward situations?! I think someone up there enjoys watching me flail. Part of my problem is I don't realize what I am getting into before it is too late. So now, lucky me, I am stuck in a horribly awkward situation where someone could potentially get hurt... Sheesh!

Dating has never been my strong point. So what happens when I let slip my lack of experience to someone who is interested in me when I don't return the feelings? Now what to do when that someone is 13 years my senior?? Now I get to look forward to a date this weekend... which no doubt will be fun, seeing as he's a nice guy, but I don't know if i can possibly get myself over the stumbling block of an extreme age difference.

Here's the plan (since I obviously can't just think things through in my head, I have to work them out on the internet)- go on the date and enjoy finally getting out. I can deal with the age difference because I wasn't bothered with him until I found out. If anyone else has a problem with it, well we're only friends. I do not see this going ANYWHERE and I'm just fine being friends. Just friends... it's good to hang out with a friend... it was good to meet a FRIEND...
(Did that sound the least bit convincing??)