I'm crying inside, and no one knows it but me.

Before I begin, here is my preface: I am not always this sad. It's just a bad day and I have to put it out there.

I am broken. Not physically, but emotionally. For too long I have put on the facade of being happy for others. "I'm the girl who hides her pain with a smile that brightens everyone's day." Recently, I have had to deal with a larger burden than I am used to. Having to fake my happiness for those around me; friends, roommates, strangers, family, teachers, leaders, making it very hard to find a small window of time to release the sorrows within me.

Today, I broke. The last straw on the camel's back. I had put on one smile too many and, this morning, it was all I could do to get out of bed. Regrettably, that was even too much, and I gave up, returning to my bed. I extend a thanks to those who took a concern in my downtrodden attitude. It was not enough to fix everything that was wrong. I have taken time to recharge, to give into my sorrows, if only for a moment. After all, I'm no Atlas. But alas, one day is too long to fall victim to personal sorrows. I was called upon to bring a smile to another, having a harder time that I. And how could I say no?

I have not yet learned that time needs to be taken for myself. With ever increasing difficulties, worries, and stress in my life, my health is at risk. Sleeping patterns are irregular, I either gorge myself or do not eat at all (depending on the day's given events), and I can count out being a surgeon if all this keeps up because I can't even get my hands to stop shaking. I do not understand why I still have not found a coping mechanism to get me through these toughest of times. You would think after all I have been through, I would be able to deal fabulously! To the rest of the world, I already do. On the other hand, to the rest of the world, my life is as peaceful as the next person's. In the end all I can do is all I can do, and even if it kills me, I'm gonna smile.