Be Yourself - Everyone Else is Taken.

It never ceases to amaze me the way things work out in life. I also have yet to understand my own personal reactions to specific events in my life. It is wonderful to reap the rewards of a tough decision; to know that the pain and the ache were all worth it because, now, things feel so much better. Correction - overall, things feel so much better. Only the passing of time will mask the void until the pain has faded and dulled to just a minor throb of a reminder. But why dwell on the sad when there is so much good to revel in??

I never knew what was happening. It was a slow and gradual change but one that I was completely oblivious to. Now I feel like myself. I have the confidence I had been lacking all along returned two fold. I write again. I can laugh with so many more people. I hear all around me that I am back to myself; that I seem so 'cloud 9'-ishly happy, and all I can do is wonder why? Why do I now feel so different and appear to others as being so much happier than I have been when I was feeling so happy in the first place? Why did the world perceive me in such a way? Things were good. And, in both situations, I was/am happy; it's just that they were different. I cannot compare the two. It's like apples and oranges.

Needlessly I will admit that I prefer my current state to the one I was in, although I enjoyed them both (if that even makes sense). The feeling I have now, of being myself again, is one I will never again lose. I cannot describe the fear that I feel even now to think that I had been anyone else at any time. As wonderful as I am feeling, the void is still there. I know I will feel it for some time and that there is nothing else I can do. But it is natural and I gladly welcome it, because I know that with the void comes memories I will always hold dear and that it is a reminder of what I had to do in order to become myself again; a reminder to never let myself go in any circumstance or at any time.

I am me again. I will never change that, nor will I let anyone change me, whether it be intentionally or not. I am loud. I love music. I write my feelings. I am not afraid to tell you when you're being an idiot. I am also not afraid to smack you when you deserve it. I will always tell the truth, no matter who it may hurt. I love to dance. I love my family. I wear dark clothes and skinny jeans. I love eyeliner and red lipstick. I will fight to the death for anything I believe in. I love black. I have my fair share of secrets. I can now honestly say, that I do not care what anyone thinks about me. I may say I do or act in such a way that might make you think I care, but inside I realized that I don't. "Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind." So take me as I am; imperfections, loud mouth, and all. Because you're never going to get me as someone different.