Convincing Myself

Let's start at the beginning, there's much that you should know.
Just friends is how we started off, but something stronger began to grow.
I fell for you, head over heels. I thought you fell and caught me too.
Young dreams of love were shattered though, when I walked away from you.

Stronger than my love for you, I felt the need to fly away.
Troubled by my tangled thoughts, I wanted nothing more than to stay.
Despite it all, all logic has lost, and my heart still aches for you.
It's buried deep, but I know it's there; the love I can't let go is true.

What hurts the most is the way we've been left; two different ways we've dealt.
For some reason I can't point out, I find myself still feeling everything I felt.
But you don't care about me anymore, you moved on fast and easily.
The care I had, the love I felt, is held inside aimlessly.

You begged when I was honest, let you down, and walked away.
You cried when I would not listen but didn't bother to ask me to stay.
I tried to ease your suffering, thinking that I might have cause you pain.
But I was wrong, you get on just fine without me, so you're the one to blame.

I tried to help you through tough times, there through thick and thin.
I even took down all my carefully built walls and, in entirety, let you in.
You now hold my every secret, you know my every hurt, every worry, every care,
And while you hold the key to my life, you'll never again be there.

I try not to wonder who she is anymore, the one who filled the void I left.
Then I wonder if anything ever was felt, if falling in love was a theft?
Did I give you my heart or was it stolen from me, from a master of disguise?
You tripped me and I fell in love too deep, but no, not you, and that's no surprise.

Do I tell myself I hate you for everything you did and didn't do?
Should I hate you for letting go and moving on, your days of sorrow so few?
Is it myself that I hate, my traitor of a heart, still holding on so tight?
Does it matter who I end up blaming, if the choice I made was right?

I shouldn't miss you and I shouldn't care if the one you're with now cares as I did.
I won't look back and I won't give in, and I'll shed no more tears, heaven forbid.
She's got nothing on me, you know I was the best, and you'll never find anyone better.
I may have left you and I may be at fault, but now your face is all the redder.

You really had a hold on me, one that I now fight every single day.
I've got to listen to myself, work for myself, and it's myself I've got to obey.
You're the loser, the scum, the heartbreaker here, don't try and tell me you're not.
So I let you go and I hope you're happy. Thanks, for warning me to never get caught.

I know better now, thank you, you've opened my eyes to what I need and what I deserve.
After our short lived bliss, our blink of an eye, there's something vital I've observed.
I'll never settle for good, I'm much better than that, when something better is waiting for me.
You were only good, dear, not a great in my book, so now you're just a poor memory.