Apart from our head, our bodies tend to have memories. "Fingertips have memories; I can't forget the curves of your body." Well, it's not actually the same thing but it is similar. For a not depressing example, I recall sitting down to a poli sci lecture one afternoon and was promptly driven nuts by the two guys between whom I sat. One of them was wearing cologne, which on it's own would have had a major affect on me. On top of that though, it reminded me of a guy I was once with. The other one had gum or a mint or something that reminded me of one of the last guys I kissed. So, my body reacted to my surroundings before my mind could actually process the situation. Now this type of reaction is not bad, just inconvenient. What about other types of reactions though?
What if you know something happened in your life, you just have no proof of it? How do you obtain comfort or closure when the only memories you have are feelings? How do you get out of a situation you have avoided for so long now when your body no longer suppresses the entirety of the event in question? It's not feasible to succumb to such violent feelings but fighting them just makes the pain worse. Fear is not an option if one wishes to survive and function. Fear is for the weak and those that cannot handle such shaking occasions. Someone who has been strong for so long and for so many cannot fall victim to terror. It's easier to be angry and mad and to fight everyone and everything around you. Don't let anyone in because the more people who know where your heart is, the more likely it is to be damaged. Trust is not all it's cracked up to be either, especially when it's always been broken. Isn't it lovely the flow of undo terror that comes when the mind cannot control itself? Isn't it just peachy to feel like you have no control, to not know where you are or where to go from wherever it is you are?
"Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt." I beg to differ. Pain is pain and hurts like a mother no matter who you are or how long you've been in pain. It's the amount of pain you can take and handle in life. If you've been exposed to pain all of your life than you are able to deal better than someone who has grown up extremely sheltered. Some are born with naturally high pain thresholds while others grow into them. I am one who has grown into it. And no matter how high I keep putting my bar, the pain somehow makes it's way to a new level that I have not secured myself against. I'm just such a FING lucky girl.
What if you know something happened in your life, you just have no proof of it? How do you obtain comfort or closure when the only memories you have are feelings? How do you get out of a situation you have avoided for so long now when your body no longer suppresses the entirety of the event in question? It's not feasible to succumb to such violent feelings but fighting them just makes the pain worse. Fear is not an option if one wishes to survive and function. Fear is for the weak and those that cannot handle such shaking occasions. Someone who has been strong for so long and for so many cannot fall victim to terror. It's easier to be angry and mad and to fight everyone and everything around you. Don't let anyone in because the more people who know where your heart is, the more likely it is to be damaged. Trust is not all it's cracked up to be either, especially when it's always been broken. Isn't it lovely the flow of undo terror that comes when the mind cannot control itself? Isn't it just peachy to feel like you have no control, to not know where you are or where to go from wherever it is you are?
"Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt." I beg to differ. Pain is pain and hurts like a mother no matter who you are or how long you've been in pain. It's the amount of pain you can take and handle in life. If you've been exposed to pain all of your life than you are able to deal better than someone who has grown up extremely sheltered. Some are born with naturally high pain thresholds while others grow into them. I am one who has grown into it. And no matter how high I keep putting my bar, the pain somehow makes it's way to a new level that I have not secured myself against. I'm just such a FING lucky girl.
1 comment:
:( Alec, I'm going to take your fear and pain out into the back and give it a swift beating with the help of my great love for you and my genuine smile. Punks.
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