"I'm not a fighter, but I'll fight for what I love." This statement, I've realized, fits my life so perfectly it's not even funny. I am so sick and tired of fighting. There is so much coming at me left and right that it's impossible that I'm in the correct lane. Do you realize how easy it would be to just lay down and not care about anything anymore? It would be such a relief to not have that burden... But even if dropping everything was an option, I could never bring myself to do it. The thing that's stopping me is not fear, but love. I will not fall because I am fighting for things I love; my mom, my family, my future, myself. I fight tooth and nail against all of it (the negative and hardships, of course) because it is the only thing I can do. I cannot make my mom better. I cannot fix my family. I cannot be where I want in the future if I don't fight. I cannot give in and bring myself to a state of fallen grace. It's a very curious thing to think about. Really.
Look around you or at me. How many people would guess or even believe half the things that are going on in my life? I'm not asking anyone to because I'm hiding it all. But I am sure that I'm not the only one doing this. If everyone was more perceptive I think we all, myself included, would be surprised to find out things about our peers. I wonder if it's human nature to fight. Is it something that we are born with and that we tend to over the hardship of the years? I guess this can only be applied to what Christ said, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it'd be worth it." Gosh, I really hope that it's worth it in the end. I hope that I am doing enough now to make my life after this more pleasant than mine is now. I am holding on to that small hope and the words of my Savior but I can't help but remember... "Nobody ever said it would be easy, but nobody ever said it would be this hard, either."
I'm barely starting to mend my heart in all aspects. This just can't happen now.
Look around you or at me. How many people would guess or even believe half the things that are going on in my life? I'm not asking anyone to because I'm hiding it all. But I am sure that I'm not the only one doing this. If everyone was more perceptive I think we all, myself included, would be surprised to find out things about our peers. I wonder if it's human nature to fight. Is it something that we are born with and that we tend to over the hardship of the years? I guess this can only be applied to what Christ said, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it'd be worth it." Gosh, I really hope that it's worth it in the end. I hope that I am doing enough now to make my life after this more pleasant than mine is now. I am holding on to that small hope and the words of my Savior but I can't help but remember... "Nobody ever said it would be easy, but nobody ever said it would be this hard, either."
I'm barely starting to mend my heart in all aspects. This just can't happen now.
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