Everyone knows that gossip is bad. There is nothing good that comes from talking about another behind their back. Now I have had to deal with people who think negatively of me in my life but I guess it can be said that they have been courteous enough to speak to my face instead of behind my back. Let's be clear though, I do not enjoy either one but if someone is going to slander my name, I much prefer it done to my face by someone with a spine than a coward sneaking behind my back. You hear stories of vicious girls talking about each other and all the typical high school drama involving girls crying in the bathroom and the stereotypical stuff of the movies. I always thought it was cliche and over dramatic. What I didn't realize was that it is real. There are actually people in the world that do those kinds of things and the reactions portrayed by the victims of the hurtful words are not exaggerating in the least. It hurts. It is more likely than not that nobody of consequence will ever read this, which is in part why I am writing it. And by nobody of consequence, I mean anyone that I am speaking of.
I do not know what I can do or say because I am not sure how I am feeling. I am hurt and there are many people involved in my feeling this way. I am confused as to why people I know feel the need to speak negatively of me. In my life I try to build others up and conduct myself in a way that, if someone were to say something bad about me, nobody would believe it. Have I failed then? I am angry at the way things are working out and that some people in my life have so little faith in me. Part of my anger is unjustified and I know it. It's just easier to be angry than to give in to the tears, even though I have done plenty of that over the past few days. I hate, well, I'll say the situation even though I'd like to say the people involved. If you didn't know, one of my least favorite things ever is crying. And this past weekend brought the joy of hours and hours of sobbing. I think something that makes whatever you want to call this situation so hard is the fact that I am torn. I believe in myself but does the fact that I do make me delusional? If I am delusional, how come so many people agree with me? "Does the pain weigh out the pride?" Unfortunately, I think I am committed to my decision, whatever that may be. I just hope I don't end up pushing myself off the edge.
I do not know what I can do or say because I am not sure how I am feeling. I am hurt and there are many people involved in my feeling this way. I am confused as to why people I know feel the need to speak negatively of me. In my life I try to build others up and conduct myself in a way that, if someone were to say something bad about me, nobody would believe it. Have I failed then? I am angry at the way things are working out and that some people in my life have so little faith in me. Part of my anger is unjustified and I know it. It's just easier to be angry than to give in to the tears, even though I have done plenty of that over the past few days. I hate, well, I'll say the situation even though I'd like to say the people involved. If you didn't know, one of my least favorite things ever is crying. And this past weekend brought the joy of hours and hours of sobbing. I think something that makes whatever you want to call this situation so hard is the fact that I am torn. I believe in myself but does the fact that I do make me delusional? If I am delusional, how come so many people agree with me? "Does the pain weigh out the pride?" Unfortunately, I think I am committed to my decision, whatever that may be. I just hope I don't end up pushing myself off the edge.
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